Whispers, I'll Give You My Best
by colourmywords
Summary: Louisville is two hundred and twenty four miles away from Lima. She's got a week left until those numbers really start to matter. / Short Brittana one-shot.


when i get stuck with In My Veins i write other things...

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**Whispers (I'll Give You My Best)**

She can run the tip of her finger across her bottom lip and know they're the only lips she wants to kiss. And that loose strand of hair that always falls in front of her eyes; she can brush that away too and know she'd still be happy if that was all she ever did. Santana Lopez doesn't fall in love, but she fell in love with Brittany.

She likes to postpone the direct eye contact first. There's so much she still wants to admire about the girl underneath her. Some days it'll be the sweat that settles at her hairline from having spent the last few moments shuddering. Other days, when they haven't been so close yet, it'll be the breaths of anticipation, the rise and fall of her chest. There's more, so much, but lately it feels like the path of their time together keeps narrowing and they're both terrified to face the moment when walking side by side, fingers entwined, just isn't possible anymore.

"Don't," she whispers against Santana's lingering fingertip. Brittany always notices the first sign of worry.

Santana steadies herself, forearms resting on either side of her girlfriend as they lie in bed, and peers up. She tries not to look so afraid, for Brittany's sake, but screw it, she's scared.

"Stay," she says again in a voice just as soft but more desperate, "We're still here." Brittany doesn't like to do this, plead. It only reminds her of how often she had to say those words just to keep Santana from walking out on her. She only does it now because she knows it's not for the same reasons anymore. Santana's fear isn't about being with Brittany this time, it's about leaving her. Two hundred and twenty four miles to be exact. But Brittany isn't telling Santana to stay in Lima. They both know that decision was already argued, fought over, begged over, and eventually made. Brittany is telling Santana to just stay, with her, right here in this moment.

The shapes Brittany begins to trace on the back of her neck are a kind of therapy, like soothing a burn. She wants to believe in those patterns, the marks of their relationship, and tell herself, "_later". _But like most things in life, later comes around eventually and seemingly faster every time she tries. Santana never wants to do anything for anybody, but she wants to stay in one piece for Brittany.

Kisses feel quicker too. It's the worst timing for that because she needs them now more than ever. They both do. Still they kiss, gently and passionately because in their world the two aren't opposites and are therefore entirely possible. She likes to stroke Brittany's jaw, a lone finger outlining its curve like a painting, and Brittany has her own preferences. She likes the skin on Santana's chest, how it warms. She'll press her palm against it sometimes, because she can, and it'll always do more than she had initially expected. She thinks that's why she loves it so much.

Santana still looks scared when they part and Brittany can see the half of her face that the moonlight hits. She wraps the smaller body lying on top of her closer against her own, because she can. It still surprises her sometimes when she remembers that she can. Santana was always the girl of her dreams but they were dreams, and even though Brittany has always dreamt big, this is Santana. She still has to blink two or three times to convince herself. She's too lucky, she thinks, and she's too scared to find out whether one can possess as much luck as she does right now, having Santana.

Now it's Brittany's turn to hesitate and Santana seizes the opportunity bravely. "You too," she says, her heart thumping like heavy shoes on a wooden floor. Santana drops lower so her lips can serenade the tip of Brittany's nose. Shifting higher, she repeats the kiss flawlessly but this time on her forehead. She's ready to come back to face but feels Brittany's head tilt backwards and then those lips, warm and wet, press against the pipe of her throat. She shivers but she's not cold. It's never because she's cold when she shivers like this. Brittany notices it, tightening her grip, and Santana sinks further, melting into the body underneath.

They don't need to talk much more for the next while. She just carefully slides off and rests beside Brittany. Santana does it so perfectly so that it doesn't have to feel like they're any further apart, like holding a warm sweater to your chest first, and then finally wearing it. She knows where she's supposed to be. Some don't. It's not always so clear for them, inked to the back of their mind like it is for her. Some people search too desperately and discover too little. It can be hard to know something like that, where you're 'supposed' to be, and many people never end with an answer found. But Santana Lopez has always known where she's supposed to be. It comes easy to her, like simple math, one plus one equals two. After all, it's the same place it's always been since she first understood what it meant to belong somewhere.

Sleep comes fairly quickly with an arm draped over her stomach and steady breathes like sweet nothings whispering in her ear. Santana doesn't want to close her eyes yet, not when there are only so many days of this she has left. Seven, is it? One week. She'd rather not start the countdown even though it beams so hauntingly above them, like a storm cloud, but not grey, most definitely not, it's terribly bright.

Santana props up on her side, elbow extended to support her head. Brittany can feel all the trails that Santana's eyes embark upon, hovering over her cheek. She wants them to spread, everywhere, and so she turns to face the girl beside her, her girlfriend, Santana. Brittany likes to say it too, _my girlfriend, _again and again, because she can. Two words have never tasted so good.

"What are you thinking?" Santana asks, that velvet voice of hers. Brittany doesn't fight the tug at her lips, however strong it may be. She rarely ever tries to avert them. Brittany likes to smile for many a thing, but she loves when it's for Santana.

It settles, her smile, into that gentle look of love that Santana has never been able to resist falling for. "That I love you," Brittany answers, each word exploding with its own truth. She says it all the time now but it never gets old. Brittany knows that's when two people work. She could tell Santana a hundred times tonight, ten times tomorrow, a thousand times the day after that. She knows when something works.

Santana feels the sentence swell on her tongue, "Do you think we'll be alright?" She knows neither of them can know that for sure, but certainty might as well be a moot concept on this planet. Santana knows there's no such thing and Brittany does too, only she's a little more open-minded about it. It comes in handy that trait of hers, for moments like this. She comes across quite a few dealing with Santana.

She thinks about it. Brittany doesn't say things she doesn't mean. Santana wonders whether that might be best thing about her, but then she stops, scribbles the idea out like pen on paper, because she can't choose what she loves most. In the end it isn't about what choosing, it's about what they all add up to. Like a raindrop and a raindrop and a raindrop don't make three raindrops they make a puddle. It's something like that, she thinks.

Brittany isn't afraid to let her smile fade, she's only human. A question like Santana's isn't one she likes to think about because even though she has the same answer each time, she thinks the path to it keeps getting longer. She'll still walk it no matter what. When Santana is at the end of any road, Brittany will walk the damn thing.

"I'll always try," she finally says. Brittany knows she didn't answer the question. She only gave what she knew and that's always how she does things. "You don't give up on things like this," Brittany continues, "They're too rare."

Brittany doesn't answer the question but Santana gets her answer. She can give Brittany impossibility and know that she'll turn it into something possible. It doesn't work that way for others, only them, Brittany and Santana, because Santana doesn't fall in love but she fell in love with Brittany.


End file.
